Thursday, November 24, 2005

The Dance of the Seven Stuffings (Turkey Performance Art)

(Warning: Not appropriate for vegetarians, especially vegans)

As we were walking out of the store yesterday, I turned to my coworker and asked, "So, are you celebrating Thanksgiving?"

"You mean am I celebrating the genocide of thousands of aboriginal people?" he shot back.

"Um, no. I meant are you going to go eat, drink and make merry with your friends and family."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess I am."

Sheesh. Love him dearly, but sometimes I want to smack him.

But enough about work, it's time to celebrate (and I have no Thanksgiving tie-in book recommendations, although if you need the stress relief you can always buy this). So whether Thanksgiving is your day of thanks, an excuse to booze and gorge on turkey (that would be my family), or celebrate the genocide of thousands of aboriginal people (in which case you are a sick fuck), may your day be merry and full of good food and company and may your turkey dance the sensuous dance of the seven stuffings.

What? Your turkey does not dance the dance of the seven stuffings? But it is an old and very hysterical tradition much like listening to Alice's Restaurant! Lucky for you, I have in my possession last year's award winning performance.

I give you, Turkey, in the Dance of the Seven stuffings.

In repose Turkey waits, feeling the music vibrate through his carcass's. Oh, how it calls to him!


It's a groove thing. It's a groove thing. Yeah, yeah!


Dropping low to perform a well balanced high kick, turkey flashes some leg much to the audience's delight.


Launching himself into the air, Turkey leaps. Such perfect form! He thinks to himself, "Ha, ha!Take that Michael Flatly, you overrated, chest-baring hack!"

Overcome by the audience's appreciation and his own mad jig, Turkey bows low, tumbles to his knees. He is spent.

May this have made you laugh, and may your holiday be joyous! I'll be boozing on wine and chowing on this year's turkey winner with the folks to the tune of Alice's Restaurant. I hope your traditions bring you as much amusement and happiness.

1 comment:

jason evans said...

LOL! Encore!

Happy Thanksgiving. :)