Friday, June 01, 2007

Meme, Meme, Meme (Part the Two)

(Follow up to "Meme, Meme, Meme (Part the One)")

The memes I was tagged with by Robin, web and Mary Warner of the Bedroom Reader, were all pretty similar so I decided to smash them all together. Below you’ll fine a combo of the 8 interesting facts/habits meme:

“Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.”

As well as:

“My new meme is called ‘4 New x 2′. You have to share four things that were new to you in the past four years. I mean four things you learned or experienced or explored for the first time in the past four years. New house, new school, new hobby, new spouse, new baby, whatever. Then you have to say four things you want to try new in the next four years.”

1. I love being barefoot. Love it. Comes from a childhood of hippity-hopping across hot cement to get down to the (hot) sand along the river we would visit almost daily during the summer.

2. Despite my love of being barefoot, I also love/adore/obsess over shoes and socks and own far too many pairs of each. Shoes with heels, especially high heels are a weakness although I’ve recently discovered the joy of smart looking flats.

3. I have the same inseam length as my little brother who is 6’5” (for the record, I’m 5’9”) and would regularly steal his jeans when I was 19/20 because they fit perfectly. Then he discovered the joy of sagging pants and it was all over. The last time I stole a pair of his jeans I couldn’t keep them on my hips.

4. I’m a failed model. I got scouted one day by a local modeling agency while I was running around on Portland’s NW 23rd. I blame it on the fact that I was wearing four inch wedges and shorts—the legs have been known to blind—that the girl approached me. I heard someone behind me saying “Excuse me, miss” and I turned around to see…no one. Until I looked down, that is (the woman doing the scouting was 5’1” maybe). Anyway she gave me a card and told me to call the number to make an appointment. I looked the agency up online to make sure it wasn’t the modeling equivilent of those agents who want you to pay up front for their services. When they turned out to be legit I figured what the hell. Why turn down a possibly (legit) money making endeavor.

I showed up at their office after work with a list of questions, thinking I would have some time to discuss with someone what the company did, only to have a piece of paper shoved in my hands to fill out. Basic measurements, hair and eye color, ethnicity. As I was filling out the form a family (everyone: mother, father, and brother) came in with their California blond 13 year old daughter who had also been scouted.

I turned in my paper to the guy, he snapped a few pictures and that was it. Done. No convo. Nothing more than a “we’ll call you within two weeks to let you know if you’re what our company needs.”

Fine, no big. I went about my life and a little over two weeks later I got a phone call while I was driving to Bend. A little chirpy voice said, “Hi, this is the X Modeling agency.”

“Hi,” I said or some sort of similar salutation--I was laughing pretty hard over some comment the Druggie (also in the car) had made.

“I’m just calling to tell you that your look isn’t right for our company at this time.”

“That’s cool.” Aw, really? No second date? Well, at least you called with the brush off.

“Excuse me?” Now Miss Chirpy sounded confused and I had to wonder if I was still laughing too hard to be understood. I sobered up.

“That’s fine, I said.”

“Oh…um, oh. Okay. If you have any questions…?”

“I don’t. Have a great day.”

“Um, you too.”

Apparently being cheerful when someone tells you that “your look isn’t right” is not the reaction they’re used to getting. Makes for a good story though, and I’m still looking for a way to sneak it into job applications. Can’t you see it?

Failed Model July 2005
Job duties included lowering self-esteem, extreme height to weight ratio, and the ability to identify ethnic type. Failed at two of the three job requirements and was not hired on by the company.

5. I have discovered that--thanks to this job--when I get pissed off I develop a Southern accent. I’m pretty sure this is because my aggravation lies with people who have pretty heavy Southern accents of their own, but I still find it pretty amusing that I’ll coo “thank yew” and “y’all have a nice day.” Amusing after I get over the need to strangle them, that is. Also amusing as I've never lived anywhere else but Oregon and only used y'all before because of my mother.

6. I’m related to Monet in some way. Not enough to receive a chunk of his estate (if he has one) or a painting, but some sort of blood relation nonetheless. For the record, I didn’t inherit his ability to paint.

7. I alternate between two different voice octaves. One makes me sound like Minnie Mouse and the other like a phone sex operator. Both are present in any given conversation.

8. I cannot touch my toes, and haven’t been able to in years. Probably a sign I should start those yoga classes back up.

Four things in the future:

1. I would like to be a screamer in a horror movie. I think my scream is good enough--or shrill and piercing enough--to earn me such a coveted spot in a horror film. Only not as the girl who runs around flashing her breasts before she dies in a horrible fashion, but just as the random girl who is collateral damage to up the gore count.

2. I would like to go back to Spain. I went when I was sixteen and just fell in love.

3. I would love to take a photography class. I have this beautiful camera and no idea how to use it to the full extent of its abilities. Sometime in the next two years maybe.

4. My dream/goal is to own a house with a backyard so I can have a dog. What type of dog that is changes daily, but the main goal remains the same: house, yard, dog. Someday they will all be mine.

Tag, anyone who wants to be is it!


Little Willow said...

This post made me crack up multiple times. The bit about screaming brought to mind two things: Say Anything and Buffy the Vampire Slayer (specifically Season 1, Episode 7: Angel).

Robin Brande said...

You're related to Monet?! How cool is that!

Not sure what to make of the dual octaves thing. I can't really imagine what that sounds like. Do people listening to you look surprised when you do it? Or does it just flow naturally?

Love the dream to be a screamer. I've never heard anyone aspire to that, but then I've never really known anyone with that skill. Good luck.

I support your dream to own a house just so you can have a dog. Excellent reason. I didn't get to have a dog until my adult life, and having one makes me happy every day.

And good luck with Spain!

Brad S. said...

You probably could make a lot of money as a phone sex operator who sounds like Minnie Mouse! ;) Loved the modeling story.