Sunday, December 18, 2005

Dear Customer (Letter 1)

Dear Customer,

I’m positive you’re right. Somehow the forklift driver must have used his powers of intuition and x-ray vision to pinpoint exactly which unmarked box contained the only two copies of Michael Savage’s newest hardback meant for my store, and targeted it for his malicious destruction of your chosen form of the first amendment. I’m sorry that his willful devastation of those books—as well as the rest of the box of non-politically related items—robbed you of the book you were determined to buy, and robbed me of the chance to sell it to you. I should have just placed the bent and ripped copies on the shelf; I know you would not have accused me of damaging them on purpose. You’re more open-minded than that, and realize that sometimes things happen that are beyond our control.

I know that you realize that it is really Corporate America’s fault, and its pervasive belief that quantity of stock should be based on demographic and previous sales. Damn them, and their cost-saving measures designed to pass more money along to their investors. Don’t they know that books are for the people? I mean, the next thing you know someone will be complaining about the subject matter in some books, and want it restricted, and then where would we be?

Please allow me to make it up to by writing my buyer, my supplier, my company, and my senator. Changes need to take place. The world needs to know! That forklift freak with the superpowers needs to pay! I think I’ll also write a letter to Mr. Savage and pass along your advice because I’m sure he’d like to know. I mean, if his listeners all find his hardbacks too expensive to buy when they learn the price, maybe he should go straight to Trade…or mass market.

Looking forward to serving you again this Holiday Christmas Season,

Your Bookseller

4 comments:

Kate R said...

damn straight you better apologize, ya hippie.

So do left-wingnuts ever come in and accuse you of trying to deceive the public?
Hey... next time, make sure you send the angry Michael Savage Fan to this website. Tell him Michael Savage's record of service personnel abuse is why your store is boycotting the arshhole. Give the customer a look loaded with meaning. Point out that when someone mistreats salesclerks, waiters etc his world does not go around smoothly. Spit in his soup. Dog-ear his Bill O'Reilly book.

Kate R said...

and wish him "happy holidays"

Bookseller Chick said...

Kate, I don't think he would have pissed me off so much if I hadn't had three people do it to me already last week. Two of the three backed down when I told them it was hardback and the third had me call over to the other store to hold them a copy (luckily they had one so I didn't have to hear more about how evil we are). This guy was just the straw that broke this bookseller's sanity for a moment. When he said, "Oh, I bet that was an accident." I snapped back, "Well I seriously doubt that the forklift operator knew that this one box contained my only copies of Savage's book along with a lot of other unrelated stuff. It's not they're labled."

He just stood there blinking at me and I took that break of hostility to point out that we had his other book in paperback. Customer had already read that, so I offered to call over for the hardback, all of a sudden he's all, "hardback? Oh, I don't want to pay that much for a book."

Give me strength.

As for wacko lefties? Yeah, I get them too. Usually they're pissed because we aren't calling our New Age section "Metaphysical." Sometimes I catch them flipping copies of Bill O'Reily's books or Michael Savage's books over so they don't have to see their face. During last election, someone put a copy of the Texans against Bush book over the Swiftboat Captain's book, which got several enraged Republicans blaming us.

Everybody has an opinion in a bookstore.

jason evans said...

Geeez!! Just buy the book and get out! Who has that much energy to expend in a bookstore???