Friday, December 16, 2005

Enemy of the Bookstate

The Urban Assault Stroller: Enemy of the Bookstate.
Charged with the high crimes of blocking entrances, running down other customers and booksellers, and knocking over stacks of books. If caught committing any of said crimes, the owner will be politely asked to move their buggy to a less congested spot or treated with exasperated sighs and pained looks. Repeated abuse will result in the buggy license being revoked. You have been warned.
Stolen from Phil & Ted

I don't want y'all to get the wrong idea. I really do love kids, despite what it may seem between this post and the last. A chubby, dimpled fist and a dandelion fluff head have the ability to make me melt in 1.5 seconds (it's been documented). The wrinkled brow and the pursed lips of a toddler? Cuteness personified. And the serious face of an older child (five through elevenish) when they are telling me how much they love a book or a series and have to, have to, HAVE TO get the next one? Priceless.

I once held this little chunk of a five-month-old (real Buddha baby, adorable) on my hip for fifteen/twenty minutes, ringing customers, bouncing him, putting stuff away, while his mom tried to collapse down her stroller and bungie-cord it to her backpack.

Obviously she did not have the Urban Assault Stroller pictured above (or the e^3 buggy as Phil & Ted call it). This and the plastic and chrome Hummer model (I don't know if that's what it is called, but that's what it looks like: high-tech and huge) are responsible for more accidents in my front of store than anything else. Routinely I have mothers come in with their stroller and just park, completely blocking the entrance, and they don't seem to realize it! All it would take would be to move forward two feet or off to the side, but rarely does it happen.

Hence the declaration of said stroller as the enemy of the Bookstate. You have been warned.


Kerry said...

I refer to our stroller as the Batvee (as opposed to a Humvee) - Baby All Terrain Vehicle. They're wonderful for what they are designed for (taking the child around), but totally diabolical if taken out in public. We recently bought a little tiny one that is now used when shopping as it takes up so much less space.

The attraction of taking the things shopping is it stops the child from running loose in the store and creating even more havoc.

Love your blog.

Kate R said...

this post reminded me of my own evil stroller. I blogged about it, naturally.

Anonymous said...

LOL Bookseller Chick! Those weapon systems are devastating to the weekend mall operating theater.

You bring up another gem in human behavior. Same phenomenon as get to the top of an escalator, then stop to decide where you're going. Completely forget that a steady stream of humanity is being propelled up your posterior.

Just a quick look behind before a person stops is all that we need! For the love of God! Just one look to see if a person should step aside!

Michele said...

Don't ya just LOVE people watching?
You have valid points about these people, I just have to wonder..what is their DRIVING like in a car? Especially the "escalater road block" type.

I did a rant about people in cars breaking for shadows in my early EARLY days of blogging.
I think it was my June 7th blog post.
I think it is still relevant..unfortuneately.

Thanks for the laugh!!!

Michele said...

BTW-How in the world do you put in links in comments???
It 'looks'like a highlighted blue link, but it doesn't act like a you know how?????
Can you share??

Bookseller Chick said...

Kerry, Batvee? I love it. I'm hereby adopting it and adding it to my list of great words (if that's okay, of course). I get the whole "keep the kid in one place part" and agree, but the size makes them not appropriate for any place other than a sidewalk or a walk through the park. Smaller strollers are the only mall safe variety. Glad you love the blog!

Kate (R.), Glad to be a muse. I too would have kicked the crap out of a stroller if it scared me as much as yours did. And it's all the stroller's fault, definitely.

Jason, we should compile a list of stupid things people do. I'm convinced that they just don't realize, which harkens back to my theory that the world revolves around them. People who weave as they walk drive me nuts too because you can't walk around them. And those weapons are very, very devastating. Especially because I live in a very pedestrian friendly town so there are loooooots of them.

Michele, I'm convinced that they drive just like they use their stroller: badly. I too have experienced the braking for shadows effect, and agree with you. Sadly I cannot tell you how to insert a link because I also lack the skill. I'm still trying to figure out how to add the "Currently reading" thing with book picture to my side bar. If you know someone with that knowledge please send them my way.

Michele said...

Do I know someone...?

You asked... :)

It might take a few days, it being the holiday season and all, but I'll get someone here...

Bookseller Chick said...

If they can teach me the ways of "Currently Reading" in the ways of sidebar I'm there. For free of course. I'm poor and in the consumerism field.

Bookseller Chick said...

Now if it's just knowing some people who, uh, know some people then I've got that taken care of just fine. Don't like to pull out the big guns unless necessary.

Joia said...

I can definitely vouch for your baby love. And I'm right there with you on the selfishness many parents display with their strollers! Speaking from experience, I suspect it's because shopping while raising kids is such a huge pain in the butt, that even one, simple little request, like - "please move your stroller" comes to represent the world at large making one's life difficult. After all, it's easier to blame the bookseller chick for inconveniencing you, than to blame your child for existing and thus necessitating the stroller. ;-) Isn't it nice to know how multi-talented you are? You now get to shoulder the burdens of mothers everywhere!

Bookseller Chick said...

Brat. I bet your stroller was small, or your kids were on your hip. I also know that if they were acting up you'd apologize, look harried, and cart them out of there. I've seen it happen.

Besides, I like your kids. Obviously they can do no wrong in my book ;-)